by Chris Donato
Delightful. Utterly delightful. You have made wonderful progress with your subject. Not only has he come to embody a humility most false, he has begun to run with a crowd that will do naught but reinforce it.
You have done well convincing him, albeit subtly through the use of quasi-Christian spiritualists (some of our greatest allies), that it is “humility“ to disdain thinking for himself, and further, to regard everyone, even himself, as having got it wrong — whether it involves the non-essentials of that blasted Christian faith, such as apologetic methods, or its central tenets, such as trinitarianism. But it is nothing more than lazy pride, and for that we commend you. He wears it well.
The beautiful thing is, he needn’t leave the grossly orthodox church in which he is a member, for he can quietly infect the minds of others, if — and we can’t stress this enough — you take great care to keep his pseudo-humility in place. Every time he hears one speak boldly the truth about God and His Christ, make sure his automatic response is suspicion. Get him to think that the confident proclaimer of that tyrant’s so-called good news is an arrogant fool. Even better, get him to reinforce that splendid assessment philosophically and sociologically. If you can do that, then you might just be able to consider this case closed. Do be sure, however, that he only dislikes it when the truth is proclaimed confidently. We want him to approve with gusto those truly arrogant sentiments having to do with secondary or tertiary issues, such as politics or moralistic blue laws. We like our “Christian“ warriors to fight over everything but that confounded gospel, you see.
Finally, a word about managing his lifestyle, for the sake of maintaining this false humility, is in order. In our experience, it is best to push him in the direction of rigid self-denial. While it might prove dangerous, in that such practices could bring him clarity and newfound Christian zeal, we find that it often leads to nothing more than self-gratification. A pious sham, in other words. We presently enjoy the company of a great many ascetics whose intentions, while quite opposed to ours, have nonetheless paved their road right to us. What we want is the “zeal“ without the “Christian.“ Got it?